


Just a joke

by Iliketowrite_2



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorder, Eating Disorders, Other, Purging, Vomiting, argument, no fluff here, tw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 05:18:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21131285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iliketowrite_2/pseuds/Iliketowrite_2
Summary: I just had to write this to get some stuff off my chest. It’s pretty short, and probably bad, but I don’t really care.Small teasing and comments about food really affect me, as someone who’s dealt with eating disorders for years. It can be hard for some people, specifically people who haven’t had eating disorders, to understand why small comments like this can cause so much anxiety. Making jokes about how much someone is eating, or what they’re eating, can throw someone full force back into their old habits. Please understand that I love having fun with people in my life, but if you bring up my food habits or intake, I will pull away from you, and you probably just made me take twenty steps back in my recovery- making me feel like I don’t deserve to eat, just because you made a joke. It’s not a joke to me. It’s my life, so please stop playing with it.Word count: 2,251Warnings: Please check the tags. Please don't read this if it might affect you negatively





	Just a joke

**Author's Note:**

> I just had to write this to get some stuff off my chest. It’s pretty short, and probably bad, but I don’t really care.
> 
> Small teasing and comments about food really affect me, as someone who’s dealt with eating disorders for years. It can be hard for some people, specifically people who haven’t had eating disorders, to understand why small comments like this can cause so much anxiety. Making jokes about how much someone is eating, or what they’re eating, can throw someone full force back into their old habits. Please understand that I love having fun with people in my life, but if you bring up my food habits or intake, I will pull away from you, and you probably just made me take twenty steps back in my recovery- making me feel like I don’t deserve to eat, just because you made a joke. It’s not a joke to me. It’s my life, so please stop playing with it.
> 
> Word count: 2,251  
Warnings: Please check the tags. Please don't read this if it might affect you negatively

Y/N POV:

You sat next to your best friend, Connor, on the small couch in the green room. You’d just finished a panel with Kim and Brianna, and you’d all made your way back to the green room for lunch. You were looking forward to seeing Jared, Jensen, and Misha though. Not seeing them all day has made you realize how boring you were without them. Probably because they brought out your fun and rebellious side, unlike your best friend, Connor, who was the literal definition of ‘mother hen’.

“I am so hungry,” you groan as you make your way over to the green room table, where Rob and Rich had just placed down twelve steaming – and might you even say, beautiful- pizzas. “I didn’t have breakfast this morning cause’ I slept in, so I’m starving.” You babbled to Connor, who mutters something along the lines of ‘oh my god Y/n/n.’ under his breath after hearing you’d skipped breakfast.

“Thanks Rob! Thanks Rich! You guys are my favorites!” They both laugh at you, whilst the others feign shock to your so-called favorites.  
“Hey! Everyone knows I’m your favorite and you know it!” Jared bellows as he makes his way over to the table to grab his own slices of pizza before they were all gone. You smile at him before you turn around and head back to the couch you were sharing with Connor, who had already started digging into his pizza because you were “taking too long.”  
You spend the next thirty minutes joking and playing around with the other cast members throughout the lunch break. Even Connor was caught laughing once or twice. Despite his serious and analytical persona, you knew he was honestly just a big softy on the inside.  
“Hey, where’d all the cheese pizza go?”

Looking up, you see Misha standing next to the table, most likely looking for the cheese pizza. You shrug,  
“Is there none left?” He shakes his head. “Just have a different piece dude. There’s still heaps there.”  
“But I wanted the cheese one!” He exclaims dramatically.

“Okay, okay, we’ll find the culprit’s Mish, I promise.” Jensen declares. “Now, who here in this room dared to have some of the cheese pizza without Misha’s explicit permission?”  
You raise your hand confidently. You were a vegetarian, so cheese was pretty much your only option. Matt and Jim also raise their hands, Jim somewhat confused and Matt wanting to get into the action of things.

“You sir!” Jensen announced aloud, pointing to Matt, “How many of said slices have you had?”  
“One.” Matt proclaims innocently, smirking as he takes a bite of a slice of Hawaiian.  
“And you Sir, how much did you steal?” Jensen glared, pointing to Jim. Jim grumbles underneath his breath.  
“I’m getting too old for this, boy; but one… Ya idjit.” He mumbled.  
Jensen sends his fiery gaze your way. “So that leaves you, young maiden. Can you confirm you have taken and consumed the remaining 6 slices of cheese pizza?”  
You laugh at the serious glare being sent your way, and you shrug. “I guess so!”  
You honestly hadn’t noticed you’d had that much. You hadn’t had breakfast this morning, and it was getting close to the afternoon, so yeah, you were hungry, you just didn’t realize you were that hungry.

“Did you seriously eat six slices of pizza?!” Jared exclaims, laughing.  
The smile quickly falls from your face,  
“I can’t believe you ate that much!” Jensen shouts in disbelief, doubling over with laughter, trying to catch his breath after looking at Misha’s teasing disdain aimed towards you.  
You can feel the guilt settling in like a brick in your stomach, and you look down as your nose starts to tingle and your eyes slowly brim with tears. You faintly see Connor look over to you, concern evident in his dark eyes.

“Jesus Y/n, you couldn’t have left some for the rest of us?!” Misha chuckled, simply picking up a different slice of pizza, as if nothing they had just said hadn’t torn you to shreds.  
You shot up out of your seat, head down, and wrap your arms around your waist as you hastily make way to the door. You hear Connor call out to you, but you ignore him, as you quicken your pace to a jog and slam the door haphazardly behind you.

JAREDS POV:

Connor stands from his seat as he calls out to you, but you just ignore him.  
Misha, Jensen, and I all call out to you, too, but to no avail.  
“Hey, c’mon Y/n/n, we didn’t mean it sweetheart-”  
“We were just kidding Kiddo-“  
“It’s alright Y/n/n, it really doesn’t matter.”

I watch as Connor makes his way over to the door, grabbing the his stuff and the few things you left behind. As he turns to face us, my stomach sinks. I’d known Connor for years, and I’ll admit he’s a bit of a ‘stick in the ass’ kinda guy, but I’ve never seen him look as frustrated and might I even say, disappointed, as he does right now.  
“Good job.” He hissed, making his way out the door and shutting it behind him, inevitably going after Y/n.

I feel awful. I really didn’t intend to hurt her feelings, I was just playing around; I genuinely didn’t mean anything, and I’m sure neither did Misha nor Jensen.  
I look over to Misha and Jensen and their faces are just as confused and sad as I can imagine mine is. Everyone else in the room had become quiet and awkward. I decide to chase Connor down to see if there’s anything I can do- or even just find out what was wrong.

“Hey, Connor, wait.” I catch up to him and turn him by his shoulder so he faces me. I look around the hallway to make sure it’s empty and I revert my attention back to Connor when I determine that no one would be overhearing. “Hey, I’m really sorry for what we did. We were just joking, we didn’t mean-“  
“You know, I’m a pretty calm guy. It’s not often that I’d step out of line and say something that might offend someone -especially a nice dude like you- but you royally fucked up. I don’t know who you guys think you are, treating her like that when you know nothing about who she really is, but I can tell you this confidently: you guys have just ruined months of progress.”

I stand there, completely shocked into silence. There is nothing I could say right now to make any of this better and it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I don’t know what to do, so I just stand there- guilty, and completely gutted.

“Not so funny now, is it?” Connor muttered before he turned his back to me and headed over to the elevator.  
I make my way back into the green room, feeling and looking completely deflated. I’ve made fun of a lot of people about of a lot of different things – all in good nature, of course- but I don’t think I’ve ever messed up like that.  
As soon as I saw her face and felt the wrath of Connor, I know I’d screwed something up.  
And there’s nothing I can do.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Jensen and Misha come over to me and feel the tension riding off me in waves.  
“We fucked up.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I mean Connor just ripped me a new one.”  
“You mean Connor? As in, robot Connor?”  
“Yeah, I couldn’t even say anything but… he wasn’t happy.”  
“Is he ever?” Misha snickers,  
“Dude.” Jensen whacked his arm.  
“Sorry, I just- he’s so serious anyway.”  
“This was different. He was pissed. He said we would’ve ‘set her back months’”  
“What does he mean by that?”  
“I dunno.”

We were all silent for a minute before Jensen decides to break the tension.  
“We should go apologise.”  
“Yeah. That’d be best I think.”  
“We should probably get going before someone needs us for something.” I finish.

We take our time wandering around as we head upstairs, wanting to give them some time to process or talk if they needed to. As we make down the hall after exiting the elevator, we head to her room, knowing that’s most likely where she’d be.

We quietly listen at the door to make sure we’re not interrupting anything. I gently rasp my knuckles on the wooden door a few times before swiping a key card and slightly open the door. We all had key cards to each other’s rooms, just to be on the safe side.  
I slowly pried open the door and peeked my head through, trying to see if either Y/n or Connor were visible. There might be a chance that they weren’t even here. 

“I don’t think they’re here.” I state as I fully enter the room and the others follow behind me.  
“Maybe they went to Connors’ room.” Jensen stated and before I had the chance to reply I hear a cough coming from the hotel bathroom followed by a muffled voice, a deep voice, Connor. 

My eyebrows furrow and we all remain silent to assure ourselves we were hearing what we thought we were. A few seconds after the fact, another gag, followed by more coughing; along with what sounded like crying. Your crying.  
It wasn’t something anyone heard often- you prided yourself on being put together and fun; on the odd occasion, even professional. Very few time’s we’d seen you cry, and the times we had were either tears of happiness or the one time you’d been injured on set. Other than that, nothing. Ever.  
I stalk closer to the door. I know I shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but this is spiking my curiosity and I can’t help myself. I strain to hear the voices clearly through the thick wooden door, who would’ve thought a hotel would have such a good quality and almost sound-proof wooden door.

“I can’t believe I let this happen.” You choked. Your sentences were choppy, and you sounded short of breath, voice scratchy- most likely because of the vomiting. “What have I done; I’m disgusting.”  
“No Y/n. No you’re not. Come on- Come on, let’s get you to bed, huh? Y/n/n, can- come on sweetheart let’s-“ I hear Connor sigh and I try to retreat back quickly as I hear someone shuffling and the bathroom door starts to open.

Attempting to shove Jensen and Misha out the door proved in vain when Connor walks out and makes direct eye contact with the three of us. He glances behind him into the bathroom, seeing you hadn’t moved an inch and closed it gently behind him.

“What the hell do you want?”  
“Look, we just wanted to apologise-“  
“Yeah you said that. Downstairs in the lobby. Remember?”  
“Yeah, yeah I remember… Is she okay?” He gives me an incredulous look.  
“Did you not see her? Or even hear her? Does she sound okay?” he growls sarcastically. Connor takes a breath and shoos us out of the room as he steps out behind us, keeping the door open with his foot. 

He takes a deep breath and sighs, seeming to calm down a tad before he starts talking again.  
“I know it was a mistake, and you didn’t mean anything by what you said. If you’d said it to anyone else, I’m sure it probably wouldn’t matter; but Y/n isn’t anyone else. She can deal with the teasing and the bantering and the pranks but food is just something that’s off limits for her.  
I know you’ve never noticed, and I never expected you too because it’s not something she likes to parade around but Y/n’s sick and has been for years, and with what happened just before, I don’t she’s going to recover from that overnight. 

Now, she’d kick my ass if she found out I told you this, so if you mention it to her or anyone else I will find you and cut your balls off. Y/n/n’s had an eating disorder for years now and even though your comments would be harmless to the ordinary person they meant a lot to Y/n.”

It was hard to take in what he was saying. I understand it, yes, but it was a hard pill to swallow. She was a good actress; as if it wasn’t already obvious but this? Just proves it.  
“Is there anything we can do to help reassure her?” Misha beats me to it.

“No,” Connor smiles sympathetically, smiles “I don’t think there is. She knows you didn’t mean anything by it, it just hit a little close to home.”  
“So did she- you know, did she do that?”  
“Yeah… It’s not your fault. I promise.”

Before I could say anything we hear you calling from inside the room.  
“Connor…”

Connor looks behind him and back to us. “I should get back to her.” He gestures behind him to the room.  
“Yeah, sure. Let us know if there’s anything we can do.”  
“Alright. See you around.” And with that he was gone to tend to you.

It was silent for a few moments and we all agreed to head to Jensen’s room to debrief. I made my way over to his king sized bed and flopped down rubbing my hands over my face and through my hair.

“I wish I’d known. I never would’ve said that.” I groan,

“Me too buddy. Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!  
My requests are open, but please keep in mind i do not write lucifer.


End file.
